Quitting and Staying Home After Maternity Leave
Becoming a stay-at-home mom after having a baby is not an easy decision. There are logistical, legal, and ethical considerations to make during the process. Sorting through the emotions of what it means to become a stay at home mom or leaving a job you love can add to the challenge for many mothers. There are so many articles about quitting after leave that speak of women “gaming the system” or “not doing the right thing” by their employers but that shouldn’t be your biggest concern. There’s an unfair spotlight on working mothers to be loyal to their families and their companies but working and taking care of a family is not the right decision for everyone. For anyone who thinks it may be a good option for them, there is a lot of inner turmoil that can go on and the emotional considerations I’ve listed below may help you identify and address your concerns. If you’re not receiving pay during your maternity leave or you don’t qualify for FMLA, it may make the decision easier. If the cost of daycare is more than you make, it may make the decision easier. But what about when the logistics aren’t clear and you still want to stay home? Also listed below are some of the more practical concerns for becoming a stay-at-home mom.
Emotional Considerations
Is being a stay-at-home mom for you?
It is a job to stay home with children. It’s an unpaid position but it is definitely work. I think of my responsibilities in my home as work. I have to do lists, I create schedules, I have daily tasks and activities that I am committed to doing. Think of what staying home will look like for you outside of the love, cuddles, park visits, and play dates. What will your day to day look like? Do you feel like you benefit from having a carved out role outside of the home?
Can you afford it?
Will you still need help to get things done or do you plan to become the family chef, chauffeur, planner, cleaner, boo-boo kisser, daytime dog walker, etc.? Like I’ve said before, help isn’t all or nothing but the expectation and reality may be that you take on many new roles. People imagine that staying home is simply staying home and taking care of your child. A child that needs three meals a day, to be prepared and cleaned up by you. A child who needs to be stimulated, played with, loved on, and given attention. A child who creates piles and piles of laundry and spills something ten times per day. Time is limited and you’re now going to give 85% (being conservative here) of yours to someone else. Will you still be able to make time for you? Can you do that and still pour into them in all the ways they need?
Do you enjoy your work?
If you’ve been thinking of a career change anyway, this may be a good time to take some time off and start your next venture/career. If you currently love your job, your colleagues, and your commute, you may want to consider continuing to work. There is NOTHING wrong with deciding you really enjoy having time out of the house at a job where you are fulfilled. Even if you aren’t “fulfilled” and you just like going to work, then consider keeping your job.
Logistical/Legal/Ethical Considerations
When should you tell your employer?
If you’re getting paid leave, tell them after your leave ends or just before your leave ends. You are entitled to that time via FMLA to consider your options. You may want or need to return to work for a few weeks after your leave ends to keep your insurance until you’ve figured out what your next health insurance plan. You can give notice on your first day back or you can call a week or two ahead and let your manager know your intentions. This may be an unpopular opinion but there are companies where once you give two or more weeks notice, you’re asked to leave immediately. It happens. Be prepared to leave the day you tell them. If you aren’t entitled to FMLA or pay on leave, you may want to let them know your won’t be returning after leave. I wouldn’t recommend telling your employer until you’re 100% sure this is the best decision for your family.
Will I have to pay back any money I’ve gotten during maternity leave?
In most cases, no. But read your employee handbook and if you there are any questionable clauses regarding what happens if you quit during leave, call your HR department or employee benefits department. If you’re nervous that it may get around that you’re considering resigning, consult an employment lawyer. Most consultations are free and you need to know if there are any financial ramifications before you leave.
Should I feel guilty?
Nope. Nope. Nope. There is nothing to feel bad about. The company won’t fail without your presence. They made it work during your maternity leave and they’ll make it work after you’re gone. That is the way it works. You can offer your services on a contract basis until a replacement has been made or you can offer to stay on full-time until they’ve found someone else. That doesn’t mean someone won’t try to make you feel guilty but you have to do what’s best for YOUR family. No one can tell you if that’s staying home or continuing to work.
Can you afford it?
This question also lands on the logistical side because if you need childcare for frequent medical appointments, if you are a new homeowner, if you are the breadwinner, you may not be able to financially afford to stay home. There may be other things you can do like go to work part-time or work from home in order to spend more time with your little one. Talk to your partner about what financial changes can be made to accommodate you staying home. Coming up with a plan together will help make you feel less like this was your choice and more of a family decision, it is ultimately about your family.
Whatever choice you make know that you’re making the best decision for yourself and your family. Think over the things listed here when you’re making your decision and hopefully it will provide you and your family a more clear picture of if this is right for you!